I grew up in the era of Sears and JC Penny catalogues when the whole family eagerly awaited the arrival of the Wish Book each Christmas. We spent hours looking at the latest toys and fashions, furniture and tools. However, all that early exposure to the wonders of paper "window shopping" has turned me into a catalogue slut.

I confess I can't toss away those junk mailed brochures that fill my mailbox throughout the year. I never buy anything -- I save that for eBay -- but I love to look! Whether it's L.L. Bean, Chadwicks, Toys 'R' Us, Oriental Trading Company, The Inflight Shop or any company, I simply can't resist a little BBT (Browse Before Tossing).

Recently, I've been closing up my Mom's apartment. She had to go to a nursing home after her stroke in July, so the packing has fallen to my sister and me. While I was emptying her magazine basket, I stumbled upon a cache of her catalogues. They ran the gamut of things to appeal to seniors - Blair (she loves those stitched-crease double knit pants), Dr. Leonard, Fingerhut, a handful of vitamin company offerings, and a modest size catalogue called Healthy Living. The catalogue slut in me shoved them in my tote to BBT later when I had time.

Tonight, I found them in my tote and decided to browse the Healthy Living catalogue. The offerings were somewhat amusing. Vitamins, hair restoratives, spray-on hair, a sling-like device to prevent double chins, bunion cushions, hearing aid devices, etc. Everything geared to either assist or rejuvenate. However, my jaw dropped when I flipped from a page that advertised incontinence pads and bedside commodes to the next page.

There in living color was a 4-page spread of sex aids!

I kid you not. It was amazing! A double headed vibrator called the G-Quake massager (oh my god), potency drops, sex tapes (Oh My god!), massage cream to "increase firmness, fullness, and size (OH My God!), a remote controlled egg shaped device guaranteed to "give you Earth-Shattering Tremors" (OH MY GOD!)!

While I didn't discover any "purchases" among her belongings, I had to wonder why Mom not only kept the catalogue but had also marked the page. Now, I'm not sure if I should be appalled or if I should say "Way to go, Mom!"

I guess I'll think about that one later.

Wow, I just realized, it's been a month today since I last posted on here. I'm not going to make a lot of excuses, suffice it to say I spent my Christmas vacation -- almost two full weeks -- laid up with a sinus infection and cluster headaches. I've been playing catch up ever since.

However, when I saw the date of my last posting, I thought of one of my favorite quotations:

"Time's fun when you're having flies." Kermit the Frog!

Okay, enough silliness. Or maybe not enough. So I'll post my -- trumpet roll, please -- New Year's resolutions to give you more chuckles. Here goes!

My List of Resolutions:

1 - Start on a healthier eating plan - I refuse to say diet as that word implies something of shorter duration. I need to make Veggies, Milk, and Whole Grains part of a permanent solution.

2- Add more "Activity" to my daily plan -- Funny how typing on a computer 6 hours min at work and several more hours at home in the evenings doesn't burn calories. It's high stress but unfortunately low aerobic.

3- Work on my writing, EVERY day. I'm not going to set outrageous goals. I'm just going to promise that, every day, I'll work 15 minutes or 100 words, whichever comes LAST.

4- Find time for fun with friends. All work and no play makes me a grouchy isolationist. I need to socialize more.

5- Take time each day for meditation, prayer, contemplation, whatever you want to call it.

6- Get in bed by midnight -- I ain't as young as I used to be. Staying up until 2a.m. then getting up for work at 6:30 a.m. takes more of a toll these days.

7- Really clean my home office once a month. It will improve concentration.

8- And another practical promise, hang up or put away my laundry as soon as it's out of the dryer.

Well, there's probably a lot of others I should do, but this is the beginning.

Have a good day!

~~ Stephanie

To help the economy, Governor Granholm is campaigning for Michiganders to buy Michigan products for Christmas gifts. Her team designed the unfortunate logo at the right.


Hmmmmm. Given the state of the economy, I have to wonder how much the going rate is for a state. Do you think the Hollywood writers' strike has hit Michigan?

*****
On a lighter note, someone sent this too me. I had to share it, because it's so darned true.

You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when...

1. You point at a spot on your right hand to show where you live. I live in the middle of the palm

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. Boy is THAT true!

11. You know the 4 seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. This one is wrong. The seasons are almost winter, winter, bad sledding, and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means Ohio.

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find zero degrees "a little chilly."

22. You drink pop, and you bake with soda.

23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernor's and you know it's not medicine.

24. You know what a Yooper is.

25. You think owning a Honda is un-American.

26. You know that UP is a place, not a direction

27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb. See Point 1

28. You understand that when visiting Detroit , the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

29. You actually understand these jokes, and you share them with all your Michigan friends.


Keeping smiling!
-- Stephanie

It puzzles me how people who moan and complain nonstop about gas prices, the cost of groceries and everything else, will think nothing of lighting 85,000 Christmas bulbs every night from Thanksgiving to New Years (or longer). I used to say I never had to turn on the lights in my living room during that time period because the reflections from the house across the street were bright enough to light up the room. I was only half-joking.

I could hardly believe my luck when the mail lady trudged to my door through today's sleet and snow with an Express Mail delivery. The box was from my longtime friend Leslie, who lives in Florida, a state known for oranges, Mickey Mouse, and wealthy snowbirds from the north.